the inexplicable heartache

that i always feel

whenever i remember you now

is too overwhelming.

it's that kind of heartache

that's too difficult to articulate.

perhaps, because it's mixed with 

guilt, or loss, or even regret.

another "Ah, I took another one for granted"

 

when the one that you needed to let go

was also the one you wanted the most

how far would it make you numb from feeling the pain?

how suffocating would it be until you would be fine?

how many minutes, hours, days, months, or years

would i cry whenever i recalled your parting hug?

the truth is,

i simply 'love' you that much

not that you will ever know, though

It was a good day to say goodbye

You were firmly wrapped in that same smile,

as usual

and i got dizzy from feeling your scent,

as usual

Nothing has changed,

you're still the most important fraction

in my life.

I wish it were raining. 

 

walking with the air 

that greeted me earlier

talking to the trees

that gave me dreams

peeping through that tiny hole

in people's hearts

smiling at this crying soul

among the unfinished parts

tell me,

which language are you currently

speaking?

show me some translations

behind those pauses

are they even real?

 

i let you in,  didn't i?

i let you in because you fit in

there just right

my heart is only that much

not too big,

not too small,

just that right.

so looking at you now

from this height,

i can finally see my own heart

the size and everything else

what it says and nothing else

: such a bliss

 

once, she waived your innate dreams

just for a moment of truth

once, she caught a layer of your vulnerability

hidden between your fingers

and your guilty desire had been once

held captive

just a minute before it scattered

and now,

many, too many things are slipping

out of my freezing sentences,

forming paper flowers

but, then, does it even matter?

 

as i am shaping my nonexistent tears,

i wonder if you are smiling

knowing that somewhere in me

another hole has been dug

by your simple phrase

is it bleeding?

it isn't

it's simply refreshing

as i know that

a new rope has appeared

pretty disquieting still

reminiscence

 

how subtle it feels

when I can finally touch the sunlight

it feels just like

the scent you used to left

on me

the same feeling I had

whenever we secretly met,

behind the walls,

sharing the untouched warmth.

 

swim with me

swim to the edge of your heart

swim along with your unsaid needs,

your unspoken greed,

and your unreached plea

swim until we smell

the deep secret of your silence

swim until we touch

the wild reality of your mouth

the micro expressions

you used to subconsciously make

I'm afraid that they have faded 

in my memories

I've long lost that sense of belonging

in your vast universe

that hidden place was long gone

now becoming the strange fondness

that is well-presented

by your 'ideal' bond

x ≠ y

 

Let's unfold the old fate
let me write you a line
you won't afford to erase
even with your tears

Let's take a walk
under the whispering trees
where two souls can talk
where we undo old memories

Spare me some blank pages
let me draw you a flying smile
Slowly, just for a little while,
Let's hide in this maze

When your shadow laughs,
counting my subtle steps
I'll finally withdraw
from this sweet, hidden show


Give my hands
the same old warmth
A brave farewell
Where all is said and done